Celebrity Jeopardy

Alex Trebek: And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy and thanks to our contestants, I would just like to Apologize to all blacks, gays, jews, vampire fans and people with very high intelligence. With that being said let's take a look at the scores...

Alex: In second place is Robert Pattinson with negative 5,100 dollars, which is mostly because he's been staring into space the entire time.

Robert: You don't understand Trebek, this is the skin of a killer.

Alex: Fantastic. and in first place with 3.50 is Tommy Wiseau.

Tommy:*rings buzzer* Oh hi, Alex.

Alex: And a hello to you, and finally in last place with negative 99,991 dollars is pastor Fred Phelps, who's been setting a new jeopardy record for saying the most offense things in under 2 minutes.

Fred: Hey Trebek, knock knock!

Alex: Who's there?

Fred: God hates.

Alex: God hates who?

Fred: God Hates You! ya *Bleep* *Bleep* wad. HAHAHAHA!

Alex: And Mr. Phelps has just broken his record. Now then let's move on to Double Jeopardy. And our Categories are 'Potent Potables', 'Presidental Assassinations', 'Names that rhyme with ed', 'Jeopardy Hosts', 'Tolerance', that category is about being tolerant of others so it's best if you stay away from that one Mr. Phelps, 'Mickey Mouse's Species', 'Spell the word DVD' and finally 'Instant winner' and since Mr. Wiseau is in the lead I'll let him choose. And may I suggest 'Instant winner' for 400.

Tommy: Yeah I'll take a dozen red roses.

Alex: That's not a category.

Tommy: That's me!

Alex: Wait what?

Tommy: Herethemoney,keepthechance.HiDoggie!Thanksalotbye.

Alex:*looks at Tommy Wiseau dumbfounded and then moves on* Mr. Pattinson, how about you pick instead.

Robert: You don't understand the torment I have to go though. The pain and suffering I've caused. The sheer amounts of...

Alex: Right then, let's go for 'Names that rhyme with ed" for 200. "This is Pastor Fred Phelps' first name."

Fred:*Rings Buzzer*

Alex: Yes, Mr. Fred Phelps.

Fred: Who is Pastor?*Wrong Answer Buzzer*

Alex: No!

Tommy:*Rings Buzzer*

Alex: Yes, Mr Wiseau.

Tommy: Oh Hi, Alex.

Alex: Yes, What is your answer?

Tommy: Let's go play some football huh?

Alex: For the last time Mr. Wiseau, No! is there anybody here who knows the answer? Anybody?

*Time's Up Buzzer*

Alex:*sighs* Mr. Phelps why don't you pick a category.

Fred: Ok fine ya *Bleep* enabler! I'll take 'Everybody's going to hell but me' for 1,400.

Alex: Let's go with 'jeopardy hosts' for 500. "this is the host of Celebrity Jeopardy."

Robert:*Rings Buzzer*

Alex: Yes Mr Pattinson.

Robert: I bloody hate my agent!*Wrong Answer Buzzer*

Alex: No!

Fred:*Rings Buzzer*

Alex: Mr Phelps.

Fred: What's a totally *bleep*?*Wrong Answer Buzzer*

Alex: Why am I not surprise that would be your answer.

Fred: Hahahahahaha!

Alex: Mr Wiseau, Why don't you pick the next category.

Tommy: Yeah! I'll take 'President Al Assassi's Nations' for 50,000,000.

Alex: That's 'Presidental Assassinations', not 'President Al Assassi's Nations'.

Tommy:Hahaha! What a story Trebek.

Alex: You know what, let's move on the Final Jeopardy. And the Category is... you know what.*Rips Title Cards in Half* Just write something you believe in.

*Jeopardy music plays*Alex: You can write down anything. you write that you believe in Santa Claus, or Any Religion you can think of. you can even write down something you don't believe in and we'll accept it. In fact, you can write down nothing and you'll win. Now let's see want you wrote. Robert Pattinson wrote...

"Help Me! For the love of God Help Me! I know that the Final book Sucks! You know the Final Book Sucks! Even those Twihard's know the Final Book Sucks! Please don't make me star in the Movie. Please I'm Begging yo.... AAAaaaaaaaaghhhh!"

Alex: What a interesting choice of words. and you wagered...

*Shows Other Half of the moniter covered with Robert Pattinson's Blood*

Alex: Apprently nothing! As it appears that Robert Pattinson have been killed and his blood has blocked his wager.*Trebek walks away from Pattinson's Podium where his lifeless body has just colapsed, and walks over to Tommy Wiseau's*

Alex: Tommy Wiseau seens convident, let's see what he wrote...

*shows a picture of a Football*

Alex: And you apprently drew a picture of a Football.

Tommy:It's real good, Huh?

Alex: Indeed it is. And you wagered...

*shows a picture of a little yellow bird*

Alex: A little yellow bird? you wagered a little yellow bird?

Tommy: No, that be stupid. hahaha. It's chicken, Alex. Chipchipchipchip.

Alex: Right, how silly of me. I'll be over here, as far way from you as possible. *Alex walks away from Tommy Wiseau's podium*

Tommy: You Are Tearing Me Apart, Alex!

Alex:That great.*Walks up to Fred Phelps podium*Ok Fred Phelps, let's see what you wrote...

"God"

Alex: Sweet Heavens you got it right! This is amazing!

Fred:Well Alex, since you'll go to hell when you die, I though I'd do something nice for you.

Alex: Why thank you! Now let's what you wagered.

"Damn you've got a fatass, Trebek!"

Fred:Hahahahaha!

Alex: I can't believe I fell for that.

Fred: Ha! Suck it *bleep*! Hahahaha!

Alex: Right, Well that's it for Celebrity Jeopardy and I'm gonna go take a bath with my toaster. Goodnight!